39 days to Antarctica..."Run To Paradise" Choirboys
Approximately eight minutes reading time
"The man who moves a mountain begins by carrying away small stones." Confucius
Hello! Welcome to another Sunday. I hope that all is well with You and Yours and that your week has been a good one. Oh what a week to start the New Year. I have soared to the highest Joys and been dragged beyond the Depths of Hell and Despair. This week has been harrowing and unbelievable.
I knew this week would be hard being the second anniversary of the Black Summer Bushfires stealing my life. I could not have imagined the desperate and most terrible downward spiral my life would take. Without the few wonderful things that happened to me this week, I would not have survived. My life is in imminent peril once again.
Nightmares about my build and return home have plagued me. Yet I have also had other horrifying first experiences.
Monday morning I awoke sobbing desperately in a state of acute distress. I was having what was mainly a dream and then it turned without any hint into a nightmare. I was outside in the Country, at a massive party and enjoying the sunshine with a group of new friends. There were people everywhere. I stood talking and laughing with a group of people. Someone walked up to us and said a name and that this person was dead. They repeated the name. My heart sank and my distress was real. How? When? Now. Suicide. I had not thought about this person and there was no reason for them to appear in my dream. I had no reason to believe that the people I was with knew him. I woke up in sorrow and despair. My sense of foreboding was great. I was so scared. I didn’t know what to do. He’s not in my life anymore. I was more scared because I have what I would call a psychic sensitivity. Over the years, I have been told many times, that I can read energy and the energy of others. Many times this has been proven to be true. I have always been what I call an “Earth Child”. Even my Doctors had told me that they felt this about me without any reason other than dealing with me. I started reading about these types of dreams as I had never had one before. What I read said that this was about letting go of a relationship. I had already let go a long time ago. I told a couple of my friends who told me to send a message, to reach out, just in case. This was my Duty regardless of the situation. My conscience was burdened. If I did nothing and this became true, I could never live with myself. I did not want to reach out but I knew that if there was any truth to my dream then I must send a message of support so that he knew that whatever happened he was not alone. It is often all that is required to save a despairing and desperate Soul. I didn’t want anything from him other to know that he was safe, fine and well. I wanted to let him know that any darkness would pass, eventually. I sent a message saying that he was in my dream alone and needing help. I told him that it scared me. I once more offered long standing help and support whenever required. Two days later on the anniversary of the Black Summer Bushfire I received his reply, exactly forty eight hours later. It was polite. He told me that he was fine and well. This is what I expected to be the case for him. I was glad and relieved. I knew that he was okay. People lie about how they are and feel, all the time. Men have a harder time than women because of the greater isolation in their lives with often surface level relationships. Often romantic relationships are not intimate or as open as possible. Men generally lack the ability to open up and share or ask for help. Male suicide is ever increasing. Christmas time is incredibly dangerous as Suicide risks increase, especially for men. Covid-19 has exacerbated this situation. So many programmes have been developed by government and community groups to offer men a safe space to talk openly and share what they are experiencing and the challenges they face. Men’s Shed and other Men’s Groups have been developed throughout communities to serve this purpose. I have read that they are working. I know this particular man to be deeply sensitive and someone who doesn’t open up easily and shut’s down quickly. I did all that I could. My conscience is allayed.
On Wednesday 5th January, the anniversary date I
learned that my Bushfire accommodation cannot be extended. I have nowhere to
go. No money. All my money has gone into rebuilding my home. My build contract
with Masterton had an end date of 18th September 2021. My home was
supposed to be finished. There is no reason to be in this position. They have put my life in peril. They have put my future in jeopardy in many ways. I will lose my few new
and expensive possessions, they will be lost or destroyed. These were critical to my
recovery over the last two years. They still are as my recovery is ongoing as hopefully, is my life. I will not survive homelessness after all that
I have suffered. Crisis accommodation will destroy my mental health and I will
die quickly of heartache. Masterton Homes have done this to me. They don’t
care. I do not yet know what I will do.
I grew up watching Jim Masterton on T.V. telling that world that “I’m a
very proud old builder”. Is the legacy of which he is so proud? Taking
advantage of one of their most vulnerable customers. I have paid them so much
money for this very expensive build yet they treat me as though it’s a charity
build. For months I have said nothing so that I could get home, my only
priority, without further retribution from this company. I have taken
the path of least resistance but I can do this no more. Masterton Homes is
accountable for the horrors that they have inflicted upon me, devastating my life
and my health and wellbeing. They have devalued my property. What they have
done to me is unconscionable. This was all avoidable. Hopefully this can all be resolved, amicably. Hopefully they will finally finsh my home so I am not left homeless.
My experience with Masterton Homes has been worse than the carnage of my life left from the devastation of the Black Summer Bushfires. This includes fighting for my life for almost two years with two rare medical conditions caused by the fires and the associated traumas that I suffered. For over two months I was completely disabled. The industrial strength medical treatments almost killed me countless times. Throughout this time, from the 10th January 2020 I was in discussions with Masterton Homes about my bushfire rebuild. Here I am almost five months after my contract end date. I don’t know what to do. They don’t care. They think they are unaccountable. I have paid them and it feels like they have stolen my money, my safety, my security and my life.
I must once again go on the
defensive. I need help. I hope I find it. Like Dorothy and Toto, Schrodie and I just want to go home. My ruby slippers do not seem to be working. Perhaps because they're charred.
For four days I ate nothing. I barely eat at all now. As a type 1 Diabetic this is incredibly dangerous. As are the high blood sugars caused by stress. I barely sleep and haven’t for days. I have a constant migraine and am in a terrible physical condition. I feel like I might get a brain aneurysm or have a stroke from the stress. My blood pressure is so dangerously high because of what Masterton have done to me. I believe a heart attack is also possible. My state is weakened and my body is shutting down. I am struggling to function. I am so trapped, with almost nothing I can do. I feel like my situation is lost and I won’t make it. I’m fighting but I am starting to give up. I barely see a flicker of light.
Even my beautiful walks with Schrodie drinking in the visual and olfactory delights and bringing joy to our senses, have failed to bring down my blood pressure. It has been mostly cold and wet which makes me ever grateful that there are no bushfires. We have walked almost every day when the weather clears. The sunshine has been glorious on some days and the heat scorching. I have been caught out by the heat when it seems cool but quickly turns. Schrodie likes to take me for uphill walks in the heat. I take water. We have fun. The scents of the bush, the gardens and the grass, especially freshly mown lawn, one of my favourite scents are intoxicating and pure delight, bringing us so much joy. Schrodie loves to stop and smell the flowers, literally, ever since he was a baby. So do I. We dance and play every day. Without Schrodie I would not have survived any of this reality.
On Thursday I learned that two of my poems have been selected for a major published International Anthology. I am delighted and so very proud. This was a lovely and much needed win this week.
A few days this week I was able to see some of my favourite people. I haven’t seen them since before this nightmare started. A pure injection of joy is what I have felt after seeing them. It was so gloriously wonderful. We have seen other friends too this week and spoken with others, which is always fabulous. Without these joys I don’t think I would have survived this week. My friends are amazing, special, wonderful people and I am so lucky. They’ve been checking on me since this happened.
I hope and pray that they
finish my home. Even if I can store my property in the garage. I will sleep in
my car. How is this allowed to happen to anyone let alone a Black Summer Bushfire
Victim?
I know that Confucius is right. Mummy taught me all about Confucius and many of his sayings since I was a tiny girl.
“Run to Paradise” is what I
have been trying to do for the last two years. I love this great Aussie song.
It reminds me of Summer and fun. For some reason, in my mind The Party Boys
sing this song even though I know it’s the Choirboys. This is a joke that I
share with a friend, he thinks it hilarious, as do I. I love this song. It’s
fun and makes me happy. It’s great Australian Music and a pretty iconic song. I
hope that you enjoy it as much as I do, always. I know that I will get there, I pray that this is soon.
Take care and stay safe.
I will post on Sunday, or as close to, as life allows. Thank you for your understanding and support. I still cannot believe how many of you find me, organically, as I learn to do this in the hope that I can show you to keep pushing through whatever you face and not give up. I struggle greatly. I still know that the light is always there, no matter how dim or how much you need to squint to see it during the darkest times. Love and Joy are also lurking in the dark and in the shadows, every, single, day. Keep your eyes peeled. I am. I hang onto this all and hope it gets me through this, the worst thing that has happened to me so far. This is the only reason I share anything at all. Helping anyone else, in any way, this is my Silver Lining which makes the unbelievable horrors, tragedies and more that I have faced and survived since the Black Summer Bushfire stole my life on the 5th January 2020, more than tragedies. If I can survive it all, so can you! Believe it! Know it! Live it!
As always, I hope that you leave Schrodie’s Mummy feeling a little better, happier than when you arrived. I hope that me sharing my crazy journey fraught with challenges, adversity, despair and triumph, joy and happiness helps you, inspires you with your own journey. Above all else this journey is filled with the wonder of it all. Perhaps one day it will all make sense to me. For now it is simply a bizare and unbelievable mystery. So, above all else, press on and remember your Goal(s). Please read my other posts and pages and I hope that these too help and inspire you as they have me and others. Please feel free to direct anyone you think might benefit from joining us, here to Schrodie’s Mummy. I wish you a happy week ahead and look forward to your company again soon. Bye for now.
Until next time.
Watch this space...
www.quotespedia.org/authors/c/confucius/the-man-who-moves-a-mountain-begins-by-carrying -away-small-stone-confucius/
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